Men being the head of the home, if an attack on the marriage is to be effective, all is needed is for the man to be attacked. Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter. How do husbands get attacked?
ISOLATE THE MAN
Isolation is the easiest form of attack. Alot of men are living in isolation, isolated from the wife because he is not vulnerable with her, isolated from genuine friends or an accountability system and isolated feeling alone with no one to share challenges with. Once a man is isolated, he can easily lose his way, make bad decisions and become weak; the family suffers. Brother, stop standing alone. Confide in your wife, plug in to a community, have a social insurance of genuine friends who can challenge you and hold you when you are struggling
FILL THE MAN WITH AN INFLATED EGO
Once a man has a “know it all attitude”, he is susceptible to destruction. Such a man will reject correction, avoid the wife who is trying to help him, be too proud to apologize or change for the better, will not seek knowledge on how to be a better husband/father and avoid counselling when it is needed. Brother, pride comes before the fall of your marriage. Be a leader with humility. You are not less of a man to admit you don’t know everything and you are not always right
KEEP THE MAN STUCK IN HIS PAST TRAUMA
Alot of men went through traumatic experiences growing up, such an abusive or absent father, lack of mentorship, bullying, financial lack, labelling, heartbreaks from past relationships, harm from a bitter mother and episodes of failure and shame. If a man doesn’t heal from this, the ghost from his past will come to haunt his marriage and family, he will bleed on the wife and the children, punished them for his past and it will be ugly. Brother, heal. A wounded head hurts the rest
LEAD THE MAN AWAY FROM GOD
The man gets his source from God. Once the man starts to veer away from God and starts to pray less, uphold Godly values less and stops tapping into God for wisdom and direction, he will make his marriage spiritually exposed. Brother, maintain a healthy relationship with God, your family depends on it. Spirituality and prayerfulness is not for the wife alone
DENY THE MAN ROLE MODELS
When all the man sees are bad behaving men from his father, his uncles, the media and to the society at large; he falsely behaves men cannot do any better. Brother, expose yourself to well behaving men, men who care for their legacy and family; they are many and they will challenge you
MISLEAD THE MAN WITH BAD CULTURE
Much of culture favours the man and elements of it are outdated but still keep the man in shackles that make him mistreat, intimidate or silence the wife. Brother, culture is part of your identity. But remember, culture is man-made, sieve out the bad and apply the good
SHAKE THE MAN’S IDENTITY
A man with an identity crisis, will begin to doubt himself. He will lose confidence and without confidence, he will struggle to lead and will run away from his family, if not, become passive. Brother, get your identity in order by answering these four questions: Who are you? What do you stand for? What are your strengths? What do you want to be remembered for when you die?
CRIPPLE THE MAN FINANCIALLY
Most men tie so much of their value to their finances or how they take care of their wife and children. This is why most men feel broken when they are broke. Marriage tends to be attacked when because of this need and expectations of men, some men make bad financial decisions, get overwhelmed by debt, get lost in gambling, get into not so honourable deals or waste the family money on bad investments. Brother, knowing this, learn more about financial management, don’t get addicted to gambling, gain financial discipline, involve your wife as an equal partner in family finances for accountability and more solutions and suggestions. Two are better than one for they have a better reward for their labour
GET THE MAN LOST IN DESTRUCTIVE HABITS
Once a man gets hooked to alcohol, parting, pornography, flirting or drug taking; he will defend these habits even if it means hurting his wife. Brother, watch your habits. You are growing in age but are you growing forward or taking steps backwards?
MAKE THE MAN A SEXIST
When the man has a negative view towards women, seeing them as useless, inferior, sex objects, with nothing of importance to add to the conversation; he will belittle and mistreat his wife. Brother, marriage is not a gender battle but a beautiful union between a man and a woman, both created in the image of God with unique strengths
USE THE WIFE TO ROB THE MAN HIS PEACE
Sometimes the enemy that attacks the man is the wife with insults, mistreatment, provocation, drama and over reactions; maybe because she does not know how to handle issues, she is immature emotionally, or she harbours bitterness from past issues. Brother, learn to love a wounded wife instead of attacking her back and complicating matters. If she wronged you forgive, if she is battling personal issues, correct her with love, tell her you need her to stop hurting you, assure her of your love and allow her to open up to you. Be her healer
DESTROY THE MAN’S MENTAL HEALTH
Alot of men are going through stress and depression and is damaging the home. Brother, how are you mentally? Check the thoughts you are struggling with, open up to your wife or someone you trust, seek counselling. Get well
LEAD THE MAN INTO AN AFFAIR
To distract a man, all is needed is a new woman who will bring fresh experiences that will excite him to the point he forgets or gives less to the wife, thereby weakening or breaking the marriage. Brother, other women are a distraction. You will always be surrounded by women. If you feel yourself getting excited for another woman, stop yourself, remind yourself of how excited you were when you met your wife, rekindle what you two lost, add to your marriage what you feel is missing
SURROUND THE MAN WITH THE WRONG COMPANY
Bad company leads to bad influence and bad advice; this only goes to messing up a marriage. Brother, who are you surrounding yourself with? Bad friends will cheer you on as you mistreat your wife but will not be there when you are divorced, lonely, having lost the family that money can’t buy
MAKE THE MAN HAVE AN UNFORGIVING HEART
When the man still holds a grudge against his wife, he will see nothing good in her. He will be cold towards her, struggle to talk or make love to her and that marriage will disintegrate. Brother, blessings will not come to your marriage if you don’t forgive her. She hurt you, forgive her and go back to building together
Husbands, as long as you are the head, you will always be the first and main target when your marriage is being attacked. Be conscious of this, guard yourself and in so doing, you are guarding your Family.
Content by: Hon Nehemiah Senate’s
